突然想問你,我算不算是一個堅強的人?
你說我的堅強還不足以面對生離死別。
我想也是。

說到無奈生離,我想起你曾兩度悄然失蹤,
就算我想破了頭也想不出使你離開的原因。
所以我在看『The Holiday』的時候會哭,因為Iris說的一段話:

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible.
And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you.
And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get,
or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends......
you still go to bed every night going over every detail and
wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood.
And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy.
And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and
show up at your door.
我了解那種渺小又微不足道的感受,就算遍體鱗傷也要故作堅強。
不管換了幾個新髮型或是去健身,或是和姊妹淘喝白酒,
仍然日日夜夜都在回想著每個細節,納悶自己到底哪裡錯了......
最後自問怎麼會把短暫的歡愉錯當成永久的快樂。
有時會說服自己,他會想清楚回來的。

你問我該如何堅強?
我只是教自己去遺忘。
忘記曾經發生的事,忘記曾經遇過的人,然後我就不再傷心。
你無法理解對於過去的一切,我居然會全然失去記憶......
那也只是為了保護自己。
可是你不知道,儘管如此,我心上的那個缺口並不會消失,
它會一直留在那裡,操縱我對情感的漠視。
也許這就是與堅強交換的代價。

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